Current mood:

contemplative

closure
So today I was driving along and had to go along a different route because there is construction.  So I am driving along and I see a sign for "Greenwood Cemetery" and realize that this must be the place my Grandmother pointed to the other day when I was driving her home from a doctor's appt.  (We were driving by the outside edge, not the entrance or any signage, so I didn't know how to get there based on her telling me that's where her husband and Mother were buried.)

Anyway, I turned the car around and just drove on in and asked where the family plots were and they showed me exactly where they were and I finally got to see my Grandfather's grave.  Finally.

When he died, I was days away from turning 7 years old.  I was told that I could not attend the funeral.  I protested.  But no....my Mom said I could not go.  Now, it is my experience that kids have a concept of what they can handle.  And really, if I couldn't take it, they could have had whoever was watching me at my grandparents' house drive me home, yes?

Granted, it was my first real brush with death.  But this not being able to go really has stuck with me.

And I truly realized just how much today, when I was standing at his grave.  I just started crying and saying my goodbyes.  25 years later.  (I also cleaned off his marker, as it was completely buried under dirt and weeds.)

No one had ever taken me there or told me where he was buried.  (Yes, I know that really I could have done some research, but it's not exactly at the forefront of a person's mind as they get older.)

It felt so good to get that out.

I also saw Annie Mae's grave (where someone planted an azalea- her FAVE plant) and all sorts of other family members.  It was a bit creepy when they were looking up the names for me that they said "oh there are 5 spaces on this plot and one on the other one."  He then told me who was slated for some of those spots.  SO CREEPY!  Apparently, my aunt will be buried with the Hoffners?  (Her grandparents.)   Then he said that I could go in there too, if I wanted to be cremated.   Uh, yeah, just the conversation I wanted to have today.  ODD!